Confessions of an Upper East Side Princess
by boqlover
Summary: Post Victrola. Blair has the guilt of her tryst with Chuck weighing on her and confesses to Nate.
1. Chapter 1

Blair laid her head on Chuck's chest feeling his chest rise and fall in the same tempo as her's. She looked up at his sleeping face but looked away closing her eyes tightly. His hand grazed her shoulder and she looked up at him again his mischevious grin smiled back at her,

"Morning Baby." he said his other hand closed around her hip toying with the edge of her light blue slip.

"Don't call me Baby." she said gripping his hand away from her leg.

"Why not? It makes you even sexier than before."

"BecauseBaby implies that we have a somewhat meanigful relationship, which both of us know is not true." she said rolling onto her side to face him.

"Wow, no early morning sex talk from you."

"Chuck shut up and get dressed." Blair rolled out of bed walking across her plush cream carpeting to her walk-in closet. "Nateis supposed to meet me-" she looked at her silver watch, "-five minutes ago so he should be here in ten which means you should be gone now."

"Why not just tell him to go away and stay here with me. Doesn't that sound more tantilizaning then coffee with Nate."

"No, not really." said Blair pulling her gray skirt over her hips. "When choosing between love and a booty call-"

"Oh so he loves you now?" Blair stiffened as she put the silver chains over her neck. "Did I strike a nerve in the ice queen?"

"Chuck will you act like you have some shred of tact in that ego-swollen head of yours?"

"Does it bother you in some way? My demeanor because when you're purring in my ear its hard to tell."

"I do not purr." Said Blair pulling her hair off her face, "I may sigh but I don't purr."

"Then what would you call that sound you make right before you-"

"Fine, fine I purr! Just leave before Nate gets here."

"Can't I just hide in the closet hoping Nate won't notice my scarf underneath your chair. That would just be so much more exciting then me leaving before he gets here."

"Leave. Now." said Blair pushing Chuck and throwing his scarf at him.

"Can't I just linger in the lobby and have to think up an excuse for why I'm here?"

"Leave before I chuck you out my window." said Blair.

Fifteen minutes later Nate wandered into her room the smell of Calvin Klien cologne lingering on his sweater. "Hey Blair Bear."

"Hey Nate." She said rising of her bed wrapping her arms loosely around his neck pulling his mouth slowly to hers. Their mouths' melted together in that familiar way only the people who've known each other for a long time can. His hands slid down to her sides one hand tugging gently at her side zipper. Nate slipped one arm free from her pale pink shirt stroking her back. "Nate…" she moaned hungrily. "Don't- I can't – Nate…" she pushed him away breathing deeply.

"Blair…" he said brushing his lips over neck feeling her shiver. "Why can't we just…" he pulled her to him putting his hands on her back pulling her into him. He saw her look away but he kissed her and she looked up at him again. "Why Blair?"

"I'm just not… ready."

Nate rolled his eyes letting go of her and she sat down on the edge of her bed pulling her shirt back on. "If you're not ready then why, the night Serena came back and the Masquerade ball, were you practically tearing your clothes off?"

"I guess its not that I'm ready so much as I'm not ready right now. I want our first time to be perfect."

"I know you want your first time to be with me and to be perfect ." he looked at her but she wouldn't look at him. "B? What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She said looking up at him again her eyes watering.

"Blair? Just tell me. Are you worried that you won't like it or that we're not ready? What is it then?" he said rubbing her bare arms trying to look at her eyes but she had looked down and started crying silently."Blair I'll be gentle for your first time, I know we can do this togeth-"

"It won't be my first time." Said Blair quietly.

"What?" he said trying to not believe what he heard.

"It wouldn't be my first time if it was with you right now." She said still not looking at him.

"What the hell do you mean it wouldn't be your first time, Blair?" he said standing up running his hands through his blond hair.

"It means I've already slept with someone!" she said finally looking at him her face already covered in tears. Her voice broke and she shuddered with sobs looking down again.

"Who- When? What the hell Blair? What happened to 'I need to wait' and 'I'm saving it for you, Baby'? Now you slept with someone? Who was it? I'm going to-"

"I won't tell you who. I will say it was the night your dad was arrested and I was really hurt and stupid and-"

"I don't care if it was the night your father left or when Serena left or your sixth grade graduation. Who was it?" he said grabbing Blair so she stood up shaking her as the last sentence came out icily.

"I can't tell you." She said breaking loose of his grip "Nate I told you because I didn't want to keep lying to you."

"Yeah bit to late, bitch."

"Nate!" she said her mouth and eyes wide. "you don't mean that."

"Even if I didn't ,you know you deserve it."

"What are you going to call me a whore ? A slut? You slept with _my _best friend and I forgave you. Did you ever say sorry? That you were sorry you hurt me and ruined my plan for us. We were supposed to lose ours together."

"Don't try to make this about me Blair. We are talking about you. Is that why you slept with some new toy? Because I got drunk a year ago at a wedding and things went a little to far. "

"Well I didn't go looking for him and what did I do that drove you into Serena's arms? You lied to me for much longer then I lied to you. You told me you didn't love me anymore."

"Well I do love you ok? I was confused and screwed up with things with my dad? I was going to-" he stopped shaking angrily.

"You were going to what screw me on a random Saturday? Real romantic Nate."

"No." he said digging in his pocket throwing a small velvet box at her. "I was going to give this to you."

Blair opened the box even though she knew what was inside. She saw his mothers' engagement ring sparkling at her. "You were going to… propose?"

"Not propose . Make a promise to you that we could be monogamous. A pre-proposal. Not that I have any intention of promising you anything now."

"What will it take for you to-"

"His name."

"No…Nate I can't. I won't-"

"His name or I will walk out and happily screw other girls for the rest of my life."

Blair rubbed her eyes "Nate…"

"His. Name."

"Chuck. Chuck Bass."

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	2. Chapter 2

"What?" said Nate looking at Blair his hands unclenching and his face paling.

"I slept with Chuck. The night your father got arrested I went to Victrola and-" Blair said her words stumbling over each other. Nate held up his hand and she bit her lip so hard it turned white. "Nate you have to understand, I-"

"I have to understand? Why in all this do _I_ have to understand why you went and screwed _my_ best friend. Tell me why am I the one who needs to understand?"

"Nate I- I didn't plan to do it with Chuck-"

"Oh that makes it ok because you didn't plan to-"

"Nate, just let me talk ! Please?" Nate sat in her desk chair, still glaring at her but not speaking."I went to Victrola." she said closing her eyes then opening them. The tears had stopped pouring but still sat in her eyes. "I told Chuck that we'd broken up and he got me a drink. I got really drunk so said he'd give me a ride home. I was really hurt and drunk and confused so when he kissed me-"

"He kissed you?" said Nate.

"Yes." Lied Blair looking down again. "Then he…" she looked at Nate. But he was looking at the floor his hands clenched into fists. "Nate?"

He stood up wiping his mouth then sat next to Blair. "I am so sorry." He said wrapping his arms around her. "I know how Chuck can be. You didn't deserve what he did to you." Blair sat shocked at his reaction. She was sure he would have screamed at her again. She did feel guilty about lying to him though. Chuck hadn't come onto her and she knew it. She'd asked for what he gave her. She even vaguely remembered him pulling away right after she'd kissed him the first time and him asking 'You sure?.' She hadn't been sure but his mouth felt right against hers and she hadn't been thinking clearly… "Blair?" said Nate pulling her face up to hers gently stroking her cheek. "Did Chuck hurt you?"

Blair sat thinking. He had hurt her but not intentionally. She thought she remembered him telling her it might but the combination of liquor and adrenaline had numbed the brief flash of pain. But Nate seemed more sympathetic than angry…"Yes." She said sobbing again burying her face in Nate's chest. He squeezed her tightly and she sobbed harder. Not because of how had Chuck hurt her but how she'd hurt him.

Chuck stood outside his hotel pulling out his phone to see if Blair had responded to his text yet. He saw the small screen glow "1 new message" he clicked it open and read confusedly "I'm srry c… I had 2" he wrote back "srry 4 wht b?" and put his phone back in his pocket and turned to climb into his limo when Nate's hand pinned his neck to the roof of the limo. Chuck's hands flew up to his neck trying to peel Nate's fingers off but Nate's grip only tightened. "How could you?" he growled glaring at Chuck.


	3. Chapter 3

Nate slammed Chuck into his limo again. "Why Blair, Chuck? I mean of the millions of girls in Manhattan you could screw you pick Blair? You know how much she means to me."

"Are you talking about before or after you broke up with her." Said Chuck pulling on Nate's arm again.

"I have always cared about Blair regardless of whether we're dating or not and I thought you did too, But no the second she lets her guard down you jump on her even though you knew she didn't want it."

"I did ask her. I made sure she was ready before we-" Chuck choked out as Nate tightened his grip.

"Don't bother lying to me. Blair told me what you did to her. I wouldn't blame her if she never wanted to se your sorry face again" Chuck finally freed himself from Nate's vice.

"Really ? " he said straightening is scarf. "And what was her excuse for all the other times we slept together."

"What the hell are you talking about." Said Nate pushing his hair back as if to see Chuck better.

"I mean if Blair is saying I forced myself on her the first time what lies has she made up for the-" Chuck looked upward counting silently, "eight other times we've slept together." Nate lunged at Chuck again but he stepped sideways. "Did Blair not tell you about that?"

"Why should I believe anything you say to me?" said Nate but Chuck could see the wheels turning in his head.

"Because I've been your friend longer than Blair's been your girlfriend. She had nothing to gain by telling you the truth." Nate looked down his hands unclenching. "Nate she's lying so you'll kick my ass instead of dumping hers. We both know Blair's less than innocent."

"You swear you didn't force Blair to-"

"Nate, my man, she practically jumped me." Nate tensed again. "I know it was wrong and…well I won't say I wish I hadn't but I know I shouldn't have. She's your girlfriend."

"Chuck I wont say I forgive you because I doubt I ever will but I might believe you soon but first." Nate slammed his fist into the side of Chuck's face. Hs head bounced off the limo and he held his jaw. "You deserved that." Nate turned and walked away.

Chuck stood climbing into his limo scooping a handful of ice out of the mini-fridge and holding it onto his already throbbing jaw. His phone beeped and after he read the message tried not to laugh. It said "c u may want 2 watch out 4 n".

Blair sat on the edge of her bed after she sent a warning to Chuck. The guilt of her flat out lie to Nate was making her stomach squirm. Right after she'd set down her cell it buzzed. She flipped it open and read a text from Nate. "u doing ok b?". She smiled and wrote back "yeah thnx 3" . He wrote back "u wnt 2 meet up 2day". She sat thinking. If she went out again their was a good chance she'd have to make up more lies about Chuck. But it also meant seeing Nate again which she had really missed. "when and where" she wrote back.

Twenty minutes later she sat outside Fred's the restaurant inside Barney's. She saw Nate in the green sweater she'd sewed her 'heart' into. He saw her and smiled as she stood to hug him. "Hey B how are you doing?"

"Fine." she said.

"But more importantly," he said his eyes darkening "How was Chuck?"

"What?" she said biting her lip nervously.

"Well apparently you liked it because you slept with him seven more times after Victrola."

"I- I didn't… We just-And I-"

"Blair ,I know this might be difficult for you but could you just tell the truth?" said Nate sitting forward glaring at her.


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry it's taken so long but my laptop's keyboard was broken. Here's a new Chapter!

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Blair sat her heart pounding, "Shit..." she muttered under her breath. Nate almost laughed at the sound of the coarse word crossing her lips. "How did you-"

"Find out? Chuck. How long did u think you could keep that lie going?"

"I don't know... she said under her breath. "I just figured that by the time you talked to Chuck that you wouldn't care anymore." She looked at her black ballet flats as if they held the answers she seeked.

"Why Blair?" said Nate impatiently.

"Why what?" she said refusing to look at him.

"Why did you sleep with him? With Chuck? I mean of anyone you could have slept with why my best friend?"

"Why did you sleep with Serena?" said Blair looking up angrily, "You seem to forget you slept with my best friend and you didnt feel guilty untill a year later! I could only stand it for days! Remind me why I'm the only one getting yelled at."

"Do not try to turn this around Blair. We are talking about you and what you did to me. I slept with Serena once and I was drunk and so was she. You slept with Chuck again and you were perfectly sober. Was that was this was about? Revenge?"

"No it wasn't like that at all! I just- just-"

"Just what Blair?"

"I just wanted to- I just felt like if you couldn't be with you, I wanted to be near you in some way and Chuck was the closest I could-"

"What screw? I think we're done here." Nate stood heading towards the door.

"No, Nate please." said Blair her voice wavering "I'm so sorry... I wanted to end it I was going to, soon but I just- just I had to make sure you wanted me back first."

"Well I don't now." he turned and pushed through the glass doors.

"Please Nate!" Nate didn't turn back. "I'm sorry!" She didn't notice the girl in the corner silently sending a video from her phone to Gossip Girl.

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	5. Chapter 5

Chuck sat angrily in sutie still nursing the black eye from Nate. He hadn't deserved that last punch. It was as much his fault as Blair's and without a doubt he'd be of listening to her latest sob story about-

His phone rang interrupting his thoughts. **ONE NEW MESSAGE FROM GOSSIP GIRL **The screen blared. Chuck languidly flipped it open ready to see what new drivel Blair was convincing people of. Instead he sa the headline _N tell us what's really going down:B's pants._Below was a video clip of Nate screaming at Blair then leaving her crying and alone to attempt to sneak off subtley but not oblivious to everyone staring at her.

Chuck had three thoughts simultaneously 1. Blair got what she deserved for lying to both of them. 2. It was a bit harsh of Nate to do it so publicly, even Chuck wasn't that cruel. And 3. Where was Blair now?_And does she need me?_ Chuck stopped. Need him? Since when did he care what she needed or not? She obviously bet on Nate and she lost: risk of the game. But still... he scrolled through some of the comments below

_good 2 c tht slut get whts cming 2 her. nver trusted her_

_if i was N i wouldn't have left w/o getting a few swings in first_

_i heard hes really mad b/c B's preggo and its chucks.._

_cant believe we ever gave her respect shes such a hypocrite skank_

and on and on...

Chuck kept scrolling. _Jesus I'm not even that harsh on her and I'm the one she screwed over._ What had happened was mostly B's fault but it was his too. He pulled on his scarf and climbed into his limo. "Waldorf Penthouse" he said and leaned into the seats.

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Blair sat on her bed scrolling on her iMac thru all the comment below the latest post. With each comment she read she cried harder. She closed her computer and picked up her phone. "Hi, Nate it's still uhm.. me Blair. Look I'm sorry about what I did. I didn't mean to-" she heard the elevators in her foyer whoosh open and she closed her phone. Nate couldn't really stay mad she knew it. She wiped her eyes and ran down the stairs to see Chuck. "What do you want?" She said stopping halfway down the stairs.

"I didn't know he would do this. How could I've?"he said not bothering to mention the post.

"You still-", and Blair paused. She was going to say lied but Chuck had only told the truth. "You just... get out." She managed weakly.

"No." said Chuck coming up the stairs to her. "Blair, I'm sorry I told him but, why did you tell him in the first place? We were keeping it a secret?"

"I felt so guilty." she said her voice catching. "I just couldn't do it to him anymore."

"But you didn't hesitate to throw me under the bus." he said stonily.

"I though he was going to break up with me! Then I said one this that made it sound like your fault and not mine so.. I just went with it." she looked up at him "Is he the one who hit you?"

"Yeah." he said gingerly touching the purple bruise on his face.

"I'll get ice." she said moving past him to the kitchen.

"I already got some." he said walking towards her.

"It can't hurt." she said not handing Chuck the pack but holding it over is eye for him. As she did her pale fingers brushed his jawline and ear. Chuck couldn't tell if she'd meant to or not but he shivered when she did. Blair looked at him down at her marbled counter-tops. "I'm sorry I told Nate that you took advantage of me." she said quietly.

"Me too." he said not looking at her. Blair set the ice pack down and walked past him her eyes shimmering with tears. She would not cry in front of him, not yet she was too proud. "Blair," he said catching her arm. "Don't- Don't go please." She stopped looking at him.

"So you can tell me off too? I've had enough for one day." she started walking again.

"No." he said pulling her back "So I can do this." he pulled Blair to him kissing her soft red lips gently, almost nervously. Her hands rose to his chest to push him away but after a moment stopped and rested on his chest. They slid up over his shoulders and around his neck. He pulled her closer shutting his eyes his tongue gently toying with moaned at the feeling of his hands sliding over her sides and settling over her waist. The sound of her moan seemed to snap the two out of their stupor.

"I- " Blair stammered "We should- We shouldnt- I-"

"Shut up, Waldorf," he said and kissed her again more possessively this time turning his head and press ing into her. She didn't bother fighting this time just enjoyed the taste of him. as her arms encircled his neck he slid his hands down over her butt and thighs lifting her onto the counter. She just held tighter as he stepped between her legs his hands sliding down her legs. She moved her mouth warmly down the side of his face as he moaned her name quietly into her chocolate curls. He buried one of his hands deep in her fair and pulled her mouth back to his pushing his body against hers. He gently bit her neck his hands smoothly opening her white blouse to expose the cream and black lace bra beneath. She sighed into his mouth and the feeling over her voice in his throat made him shudder.

"My room..."she managed pulling away from him before diving into a kiss again. He lifted her down and Blair placed her small hand in his leading him up the stairs breathless. Put side her bedroom door she grabbed his momogrammed tie pulling his mouth down to hers. He loosened the tie then pulled it over his head only pulling away from Blair to slide the tie over his head and throw it back ward haphazardly. She reached backward for the doorknob fumbling blindly. She finally grabbed it and pushed thru the door frame Chuck almost falling over himself as she fell back onto her bed and he fell on top of her.

"You sure?" he whispered into her ear his warm breath thrilling her. He pulled away when she didn't answer and looked her square in the eyes. There, Blair didn't see Chuck Bass the smarmy boy infamous on Gossip Girl for his womanizing ways. She saw the Chuck who had stared at her at Victrola as though he had been blind all his life and he was the first thing he'd ever seen. She stopped transfixed by him. He sat back. "Ok I get it. That was really- I'll just go..."

"No!" shouted Blair sitting up, the sudden movement causing her bed to hit the wall. "I mean.. Yes. I'm sure."

Chuck leaned over her sliding her skirt over her knees and went to lower himself onto her.

* * *

Nate walked into the lobby of Blair's building the velvet box in his pocket a bouquet of hydrangeas in hand. He had thought it over. Blair had just wanted to be honest with her. She had proably been terrified to say anything to him and when she did all he could do was yell.

And despite what Chuck had said Nate knew, Blair didn't know Chuck like he did. Chuck put plenty of girls under his spell only to walk away laughing when they offered their hearts. It wasn't long before he did the same to her. He especially felt badly for the GG post. How was he supposed to know there was a camera there? But Blair didn't deserve this humiliation. No matter how angry he still loved her.

He stepped out of the elevator and was about to call Blair's name when he saw a piece of red and black silk slither over the balcony upstairs and slide to the floor. He then heard frantic scrambling then a deep thump as the door upstairs slammed. _Chuck_he thought, dropping the hydrangeas and pounding up the stairs. Blair was probably at her most vulnerable and all Chuck could do was grab her for a booty call. He heard the sound of her headboard hitting the wall and Blair's voice shout "No!"

Nate pounded up the rest of the stairs pushing through Blairs door so quickly it banged into her wall and knocked over the framed photos she had hanging on the walls. He saw Chuck crawl on top of Blair, her hair mussed red splotches forming on her neck, her tiny pale wrists pinned beneath Chuck's massive hands and her shirt open and her eyes squeezed shut tightly. Her skirt lay crumpled on the ground and her pale sleder legs lay exposed. He did the first thing he thought of. He ran over to Chuck pulled his hand back and slammed his fist hard into the same spot he hit just hours before. Chuck grunted as he hit the ground small white stars popping into his vision. Nat kneeled one knee on Chuck's chest and hit him again. And again. And again. He felt Chuck trying to push him off but only hit harder.

"How. Could. You. Do. . HER." Nate said saying a word with each punch.

"Nate stop! STOP!" said Blair uselessly trying to pull him back. Nate stopped looking backwards at her. He got off of Chucks chest and grabbed Blair holding him against his chest protectively shielding her from Chuck. "Oh god baby... Oh god I'm so sorry." he said stroking her hair.

Blair tried to pull away but Nate's lacrosse toned arms held her firmly in place. "No, Nate stop it! STOP IT!" He let her go and she dropped to her knees pulling Chuck up into a sitting position. "Chuck? Chuck are you ok?"

He looked up at her blood dripping out of his nose and out of the corner of his lips barely nodding. Blair turned around "What the hell Nate? What are you doing here? Why did you do that?"

"He was going to-" Nate stopped not wanting to say it, "I saw him about to get on top of you and he was holding you down... I heard you yell."

"I was fine!" she said pulling her shirt back together " I meant what are you doing here? Why do you even care? You hate me. You're done with me."

"No baby, Blair Bear I wasn't- I'm not. I was just thinking when I saw the post-"

"Bet you enjoyed that." came Chuck's voice from behind Blair. "That's what you wanted right? Complete public humiliation?" Nate lunged at Chuck but Blair pushed him back. "Don't." she pleaded looking between them

"When I saw the post," Nate repeated glowering at Chuck "All I could think was that...Maybe you thought he hadn't taken advantage of you when he had.

"What?" cried out Chuck and Blair.

"Blair you don't know Chuck the way I do. He plays this game all the time. He'll pretend to really care about a girl then as soon as he gets bored dumps them and moves on." said Nate looking at Blair gently "Or if she's done but he's not, he'll just finish with her anyway." he said looking at Blair's open shirt and skirt on the floor. "You're luck I got here when I did baby." he said pulling her to her feet and holding her again. "You don't know what he's capable of."

Blair looked dazedly at Nate. "You think.. Chuck was about to..." she faltered then looked up. "No," she said pulling away."No, he wasn't I was fine with it I told him to keep going. I wanted him to." She got louder with each sentence. "How could you even- I get out!" she screamed pushing Nate towards the door. "OUT!"

"Blair no, stop." the voice coming out of Nate's throat was ragged, broken. "I just don't want you getting hurt."

"Well then maybe you shoudn't have screamed me out in front of half of Manhattan." she said pushing against him. He grabbed her wrists not violently but firmly to hold her in place. "You're under his spell, Blair. He's not real. I am. I love you." he dropped to his knees looking imploringly up at her as he pulled the velvet ring box out of his pocket. "I want to give this to you. No one else but you. I don't care what you did before all that matters is us, now."

Blair stopped pushing him at the sight of the velvet box. Nate opened it and the ring Blair had pictured on her finger since she was 7 sat inches from her. She reached out to touch it, to make sure it was there and Nate took it as consent. He took the sparkling ring out of the box and slid it onto the ring finger of her left hand. Blair stopped breathing for a moment forgetting everything that had happened in the last few hours and even what was going on in the room around her.

As she stared at the 6 carat diamond she saw Nate and she walking through the Yale campus happily strolling through the mounds of firey leaves. She saw the two of them in Paris sipping coffee quietly in a small cafe smiling across at each other. She saw herself walking down the aisle to Nate's beaming face. She saw the white picket fence in front of their home in Connecticut their two children playing in the yard. She saw everything she'd planned out in the perfect movie in her head reflected in that ring.

"No." she said sliding it off and placing it back in Nate's palm. "I can't. Not now." And she turned to help Chuck to the bathroom to wipe away the blood. As she shut the door behind her, she looked back and saw Nate, still sitting on his knees staring at her.

"But," his voice cracked, "I love you, Blair."

"I know." she said her voice not cracking but still shaking and the door clicked shut behind her.

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**A/N Should this be the end? I can't decide on my own so leave me your comments!**


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